Monday, April 19, 2010
Day 2
I thought today was going to be easier, but actually it was exactly the same as yesterday. All I kept thinking all day was what in the world is going on with me. Why can't I write a text or email without doing everything in my power to hold back those tears? Am I thinking way too much, most likely. If you ask Leslie, she'll tell you that I am the first and only person that can think herself in and out of something in one sentence. Good thing? Probably not.
Today was different though. My sister, who means the world to me, came up with my niece to see me at work. I needed that distraction. This was a good distraction. She stayed about 2 hours and it was the best two hours of this week. In those two hours, I didn't have to think about anything other than how stinky cute is my niece. I didn't even bring up that my life was dealing with its own hurricane at the moment. But it was nice. So nice, I didn't want her to leave. Can you just stay with me until the end of the day?
After she left, I didn't want to go back to pushing the tears back anymore. I tried to focus on something else. I know that one of my issues right now is my career. I remember in high school that they use to make us take these careers tests. You know the ones you lied on just so you could get the career you really thought was cool such as the actress or reporter. I always ended up with computers. And after high school, I was planning on being a travel agent. Where that came from, I have no idea.
Day 3, 4, and 5
This weekend was good. I took Friday off, which was the greatest thing I did. It was much needed for me. Josh and I had some quality time together and great conversation, which we don't get to do often with our different schedules. We even took a nice ride around the country enjoying each other's company. I haven't done that in awhile. I always think that if I am not moving productively, I am wasting time. And yes, productively meaning doing "something", not sitting around.
My sister even came up to visit me again. It is just so hard to have a frown on your face when my niece is around. She is the cutest thing in the world, with her chubby cheeks and her always smiling face. I will have to say, I don't underestimate my family often, but I did this week. I closed up. I didn't think talking to anyone was going to help me. Or maybe I thought that I was being stupid and I could handle all of this on my own. I was completely wrong. Even with my friends. My truest friends have called, texted, or even emailed me this past weekend. It was amazing. I realized that no matter what I was going through, no matter how stupid I thought it was, I know my family and friends are there for me. These people are my supporters. They know who I am and what I am all about. They know me inside and out. Who was I fooling that I thought no one could help me at this point. Boy, was I wrong. I wouldn't be or couldn't be where I am without any of them.
Well today, the first day of the "trying to be new" me. After going to church and realizing that I need Him more than anyone, I gave it all to him. My hopes, my fears, my goals, and dreams. Instead of saying "I know He has a plan for me", I say it and mean it once again. I am excited to get back on track and anticipate for my next chapter in my life, whatever it may be.
Big Dreams. Lots of Hope and Love.
**A**
