What is this mom? Honey, this is life.

Um, I had to wash my hair. Yeah that is it. That is why I haven't blogged since 2010!
What the heck! Where I have I been?? Well that is what I am about to tell you!

New Job.

In February 2011, I accepted a job with Consumers Energy. Now I am a Health, Safety, and Environmental Trainer. I travel all over Michigan training employees on how to be safe and what to do and not do while working. It is a great job and I enjoy it very much. The traveling is hard at times, but thankfully I have an awesome husband and son that are so understanding.

New way of blogging.

I have always struggled on what I wanted to blog on. But I think that my life by itself can be quite entertaining and interesting at times. My daily struggles, stories, and conversations that I have with people will be my blog. I hope you enjoy!

God has a plan.

My faith is clear and strong, and I truly believe that He has a plan for me and my family. This is where his plan has led us so far. But another door just opened, and it said "Welcome Hartleys."

I love quotes.


That's it. That is the bottom line. I live by quotes.

It seems to me that when I say something in my head or out loud, it is not as effective as reading one. At work I have a dry erase board and I write a different quote on it everyday. I try to pick the creative, work-related ones. But everyday, every time I read it, I find that it relates to me more than I think.

Today's cubicle quote: "The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." Ben Stein said this. Yes, Ben Stein. A write, actor, lawyer, TV personality...and the list could go on. But what I find interesting the most about this quote is that it's so simple. It is common sense, right? I mean, to get something, you have to know what that "something" is. But to me, there are so many days that go by, that I have no idea how to take that first step.

Step One

Decide what you want.

Why is it so easy to say? Yet why is it so hard to do. Decide. Make a decision. Am I the only one in this world that has such a hard time with that? I am sure that I know I am not the only person. I have and seen so many different ways to make decisions. Some call them decision models, or decision processes. Does it have to get that scientific? Is there really a "way" to make a decision? Personally, I do think there is a right, common sense way to make an adult decision. But I also think that it really depends on the person and also it depends highly on the kind of decision you have to make.

No one said making decisions are easy. We all deal with decision making everyday, and at the time we make a decision that we feel is right. We owe it to ourselves to stand by that decision no matter what. Never doubt yourself. Do not feel any regrets. Ever.

Day 2
I thought today was going to be easier, but actually it was exactly the same as yesterday. All I kept thinking all day was what in the world is going on with me. Why can't I write a text or email without doing everything in my power to hold back those tears? Am I thinking way too much, most likely. If you ask Leslie, she'll tell you that I am the first and only person that can think herself in and out of something in one sentence. Good thing? Probably not.

Today was different though. My sister, who means the world to me, came up with my niece to see me at work. I needed that distraction. This was a good distraction. She stayed about 2 hours and it was the best two hours of this week. In those two hours, I didn't have to think about anything other than how stinky cute is my niece. I didn't even bring up that my life was dealing with its own hurricane at the moment. But it was nice. So nice, I didn't want her to leave. Can you just stay with me until the end of the day?

After she left, I didn't want to go back to pushing the tears back anymore. I tried to focus on something else. I know that one of my issues right now is my career. I remember in high school that they use to make us take these careers tests. You know the ones you lied on just so you could get the career you really thought was cool such as the actress or reporter. I always ended up with computers. And after high school, I was planning on being a travel agent. Where that came from, I have no idea.

 Day 3, 4, and 5
This weekend was good. I took Friday off, which was the greatest thing I did. It was much needed for me. Josh and I had some quality time together and great conversation, which we don't get to do often with our different schedules. We even took a nice ride around the country enjoying each other's company. I haven't done that in awhile. I always think that if I am not moving productively, I am wasting time. And yes, productively meaning doing "something", not sitting around.
My sister even came up to visit me again. It is just so hard to have a frown on your face when my niece is around. She is the cutest thing in the world, with her chubby cheeks and her always smiling face. I will have to say, I don't underestimate my family often, but I did this week. I closed up. I didn't think talking to anyone was going to help me. Or maybe I thought that I was being stupid and I could handle all of this on my own. I was completely wrong. Even with my friends. My truest friends have called, texted, or even emailed me this past weekend. It was amazing. I realized that no matter what I was going through, no matter how stupid I thought it was, I know my family and friends are there for me. These people are my supporters. They know who I am and what I am all about. They know me inside and out. Who was I fooling that I thought no one could help me at this point. Boy, was I wrong. I wouldn't be or couldn't be where I am without any of them.

Well today, the first day of the "trying to be new" me. After going to church and realizing that I need Him more than anyone, I gave it all to him. My hopes, my fears, my goals, and dreams. Instead of saying "I know He has a plan for me", I say it and mean it once again. I am excited to get back on track and anticipate for my next chapter in my life, whatever it may be.

Big Dreams. Lots of Hope and Love.
   **A**

As I travel down the highway, on my way home from work today, it was hard to see clearly. It wasn't raining. It surely wasn't snowing, although that would not surprise me, we are in Michigan. It was the salty wet tears streaming from my eyes. Today was a really bad day.

I would have to say, this all started a few months ago. I should have seen today coming but I thought I took care of everything. And when I say everything, I mean my feelings. With the hubby being on 2nd shift now, waking up earlier than ever, Chase needing so much more attention, and all the other daily tasks that a housewife needs to do or think about, I started not thinking straight. All my days were beginning to become a blur to me. I couldn't remember even a simple task such as paying a bill on time, or planning ahead for dinner.  (I didn't have enough time to make or bake anything when I got home).

All this time I knew something was "off". Days went by and I just didn't feel right. I knew that with myself and the husband both taking new jobs and beginning a new chapter of our life together would not be easy. But I never imagined it to be this. Struggles. Is this is what my life is going to be like, I asked myself today. Today. The day that all my feelings, scares, worries, and questions came out on my ride home from work. While crying  like I have never cryed before. Asking God, where do I go from here. What have I done wrong. 

Today was an off day. Today I felt lost. I felt like a part of me is gone now. But I kept asking myself, what happened? Where did I lose all control? I have always considered myself to have a good grip on life. I have always been focused and determined to get where I wanted to go. Whether it be with my career, my schooling, or even my home life.
But today, I realized, that this is not the case anymore. I have no idea who I am. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

My career.
Having Chase at a very young age, I feel like I took some opportunities away from myself. I knew that God gave me Chase for a reason though. I would never experience this kind of love ever. And I truly believe that I won't. Chase has taught me some of the greatest lessons in life. From being patient to letting go and having fun.

It took me awhile, but I started going back to school and then had big dreams. Big goals. And I started going after them. But on my way, I somehow got distracted.
As I sit here today, I think, what happened? Where did I lose my focus? I wanted a successful career. To live in a gorgous house and live by a big city. I wanted to be known for something awesome. I know that I can still have that, but its almost like , how do I do that now? I'm 30. What can I do and who would want me now? Where did my "big" ideas go?
My house.
My house sits for sale today. The house that I thought I would never be in for more than 3 or 4 years. I have been here for 8. We are busting out at the seams. Oh how I have longed for a big house, with a big yard, and a room that Chase can have more than 2 friends in. But today, my thoughts were different. I am commuting 2 hours round trip for a job, I am not sure I want to do for the rest of my life. A job that I keep earing horrible things about. But we put our house up for sale with the intentions of moving closer to my job as well as my husbands. On my way home today, I cryed out, I don't even know if I want to move. I don't know where I want to go. I don't know if I want to move away from my family and friends. And at one time, I didn't even think twice about this. I was going to move no matter what.

Oh how things change in our lives. As I write this now, I still don't know how I got off track. Where did my dreams go? Where did all the great and wonderful ideas go? What were they?

Ever since I started writing in this blog, I didn't know what to write. I wanted to share one thing that I knew a lot about. And I have struggled with this since. But today, today is a new day. I am not improved, I am far from that. But I am going to write my feelings, my thoughts, and my dreams down. This will start, or restart my journey. A journey of a 30 year old girl that has no idea what she is doing with her life. I hope you enjoy my stories, share laughs with me as well as tears, and maybe even learn a thing or two.

Big Dreams. Lots of Hope and Love .
**A**

Holy cow! Has it really been that long since I blogged??

Well to catch you up, I officially left General Motors and have moved on to pursue my career in Logistics. This was not my intention, but I am really getting to like my job and the company I work for. I have so much room to grow with Schneider Logistics, and that has always been my goal.

November and December were great months for my husband and myself. He also started a new job and really loves it. December I graduated from Northwood University (finally, after 9 years) and was offered my current job.

So now that my husband and myself are driving at least 45 minutes a piece, we have put our house up for sale. It is pretty sad when our realtor says, "don't' get too excited yet" about selling our house. We know the market is bad, but we are in need of a bigger house...badly. And my husband has mentioned that if we get a bigger house, we could talk about adding to our family. Yes, that is right, a baby! When we committed to each other, a baby was out of the question. But now, we are both singing a new tune!

Stay tuned for more updates...............